And then he kissed me held my hand

November 29, 2007 at 9:36 pm (Uncategorized)

I feel like a fool even admitting this, but I just can’t help but wonder about the boyfriend I met at my last Lindy Hop class. I call him a boyfriend because that’s what he was. They walked in together: one man, one woman, holding hands, perfectly couple-y. They didn’t really go together, but not all couples do. Then we started to dance. The boyfriend was good. Really good. His girlfriend, not so much. And he was appropriately attired, even a little swing-geeked out in suspenders*, while she was in heels.

All the followers rotate, so I did my obligatory dancing with the stinky guy, the creepy guy, and the overenthusiastic guy with the incredible shoulders who likes to throw me around. Then I got to the boyfriend. We danced, we talked, we joked – it was harmless. I made my rounds again. The second time I came to the boyfriend was somehow different. We were starting from open position, meaning facing each other with my right hand in his left. This is how I’d started with every leader before him, but…well, there’s a but. The instructor started to count us down, then stopped herself to explain something. The boyfriend kept a firm hold on my hand. And I? Well, I felt something. Just the faintest twitter of a “wow”. The kind of wow I only get about once every three years. The instructor kept talking. The boyfriend kept holding. It’s not unheard of to pause there like that, still in starting position, but he kept holding on a solid 5 minutes longer than was necessary. I got a touch uncomfortable. I avoided his girlfriend’s eye. I wondered if a lack of affection had made me completely delusional. But I swear I am not that girl. I don’t think guys are, well, interested when they’re not. Quite the opposite. And still the boyfriend kept holding.

It was nothing. Really nothing. Certainly not worth writing home about and probably not worth blogging about. But still, it was something. Strange and uncomfortable and confusing. Because if I let myself get beyond the this is ridiculous and all in your mind, then I’ll undoubtedly think who does that?! and maybe, just maybe, a part of me will wonder yeah, but what if.

*God help me that I somehow find this intriguing.

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3 Comments

  1. Jess said,

    I think those twinges and those moments are cool and meaningful for both people, even if nothing ever comes of it. Just enjoy the thrill.

  2. fabulous girl said,

    Cupcake! It wasn’t nothing/ridiculous, etc., but it certainly isn’t anything worth beating yourself up about! And not only because you’re not the one in the relationship. I’m just saying.

  3. BS said,

    Thanks for the reassurance. I guess this is the fun part of being single, right?

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