How to lose a girl in 15 seconds

December 12, 2007 at 12:09 am (in my head, On dating and mating)

Dear Men of,

I (and any girl worth the price of her shoes) will not respond to your email if you do any of the following:

Use text message spellings like “u” “l8tr” or “c ya.” If you’re too lazy to type two letters, well then…I don’t even want to extrapolate.

Sign your first message “kisses” or something equally as inappropriate. I just met you buddy. Unless you’re verifiably European and going for my cheek, you will not be kissing any part of me prior to some good conversation.

Choose a profile picture that shows you with your car. You might as well just come out and say that you think all women are shallow. Oh, and that you’re compensating.

Choose a profile picture that shows you sans shirt. Just because you wish we posted topless pictures of ourselves doesn’t mean we feel the same.

Choose a profile picture that shows you with a Hooters girl. Straight girls really aren’t attracted to boobs. No, I know that’s what porn taught you, but really we’re not. Not even deep down inside. I’m sorry, really, here’s a tissue.

Yours (except not),




  1. Jess said,

    This post is awesome, from start to finish. At least these guys weed themselves out so you don’t have to bother.

  2. fabulous girl said,

    Under the /we just met, buddy/ column, I had a drink with someone recently and he tried to friend me on Facebook that evening. Step away from the lady, mister.

  3. BS said,

    Jess: Excellent point! And thanks [blush].

    FG: Sometimes they just don’t get it.

  4. amber said,

    Haha! I agree completely.

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