I Make the Rules Up As I Go

April 13, 2008 at 7:02 pm (favs, On dating and mating)

The 21st Century is a strange, strange world for men and women trying to meet, date, love, fuck, pair off, marry, or what have you. For years, women have been navigating the waters of appropriateness and redefining what is or isn’t feminine: muscles? power? unapologetic sexuality? Some have even decided that they don’t care (this woman does, but that’s another post entirely). Men, on the other hand, have started to “groom” and behave in ways previously reserved for us girls. Are we moving towards each other and towards some sort of enlightenment, or are we just getting completely confused? I can’t speak for anyone else, but here are the ways in which I’d like my man to be a man.

Order a beer, a glass of red, whiskey or a simple cocktail. If it has more than 4 ingredients, leave it to the ladies. White wine is fine if it pairs well with dinner, or if you actually know your viognier from your pinot gris.

Coffee and tea are both acceptable, but I should be the only one ordering it “to warm my hands.” And if you haven’t taken that cue to try to warm my hands for me, I’m probably already moving on in my head.

Crying at the death of a family member or pet is manly. Tears in the midst of a break-up are kind of sweet. At all other times, I’d rather not see it.

Taking care of a unibrow is simply expected. Boyzilians are frightening. I know it makes it appear bigger, but it doesn’t make it actually get bigger and it’s a little freaky.

Using product is normal. Using a flat iron is not.

Being able to cook is sexy. Vegetarians* and men who eat no fat are not. I’m highly unlikely to order a steak, but I sure as hell want a bite of yours.

If you have no awareness of your body, I will make assumptions about your sexual abilities. If you move your hips like a latin ballroom dancer no matter what type of music is being played, I will make assumptions about your sexual preferences. If you’re willing to dance with me even though you’re terrible, I will smile politely and say yes to a second date. If you can actually lead, have rhythm and look like a man when you move, I will smile seductively and hope that second date ends with breakfast.

Wearing pink indicates nothing more than that you are comfortable with your sexuality. Wearing Pink indicates that you have good taste. 

I will offer to pay for myself, but please don’t let me. Going dutch is going dutch, no matter how new, or old, the relationship. A meal should be an event – it should be enjoyed, savored, and treated like a gift. The same person doesn’t have to pay every time, but only one credit card should hit the table.
I appreciate an offer to carry heavy things even if I could probably manage myself. It’s simply kind.
If your apartment is decorated beyond a futon and a flat screen, it means you’re an adult, not a homosexual or a woman.
Worrying about me walking home through a bad area is sweet. Getting off your ass to pick me up and give me a ride home through said bad area is manly. 
*There are plenty of women who dig this, I’m just not one of them.

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2 Comments

  1. amber said,

    I agree with ALL of these! 🙂 Teehee. Especially about the waxing, although thank god I have never actually SEEN that sort of so-called visual enhancement. Yuck.

  2. bourbonandginger said,

    Amen, sister!

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