MD = Mostly Dirty

June 4, 2008 at 10:49 pm (in my head)

Dear doctors,

You simply MUST stop wearing those awful white coats outside the confines of the hospital. 
I know you’re terribly insecure* and walk around hoping everyone will think “Oh my! You’re a doctor! You must be so smart!” but here’s a reality check: no one likes doctors. They’re scary. And mean. They make us nervous not because of their (arguable) brainpower, but because they enjoy cutting people open. That’s not normal. 
And furthermore, those starchy coats are D-I-R-T-Y. Not fun dirty, but germy, contaminated, contagious, creepy crawly dirty. Leave the hospital germs at the hospital and not behind me in line for coffee. You have chosen a life amongst the infected; I have not. Get thee to a decontamination chamber. 
Sincerely,
The Clean
*This of course excludes Roommate, the ex-ALM’s friend B, my uncle, my cousin, and my former pediatrician, who are all kind, brilliant, uncontaminated doctors. It’s just so much more fun to generalize.
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