Old draft, finally published

November 21, 2008 at 11:33 pm (if I ruled the world, On dating and mating)

10/1/08

I was reading Charming, but single this morning and realized just how muddy things have become. Why is it so hard to stand up and proclaim your interest in someone with clarity and confidence?* In the 40s, 50s, and early 60s (or at least in the movie versions of those eras), men said, “You’re really somethin’…say, would you like to have dinner with me sometime?” (I imagine this with a Gene Kelly twinkle in his eye) and the woman knew it was a date. I’m thrilled that women are now allowed to be sexual beings without being considered “loose” and I relish (but never take for granted) the equality (supposed equality?) we enjoy, but damn I wish more men would step up and ask women out properly. 

I don’t want to call these rules, but I would call them advice for any man seeking the attentions of an intelligent, confident women. 
#1 Call
Do not email** and certainly do not text. If she is uninterested and not quick enough to come up with a polite way to say no, she’s not very bright. [Side note, “I’m busy that night” means she’s not interested, “I’m busy that night but how about Thursday” means she is.]
#2 Call three days or less after meeting her.
The Head Injury called me the same night we met. He made a joke of it, referencing Swingers, and was self-deprecating in the best possible way. He also then had me in the palm of his hand and I never questioned his interest.
#3 Invite her out for a date at least 4-5 days in the future.
We are all busy. Chances are I won’t be available on a Tuesday if you ask me on Sunday (realistically, these days I wouldn’t be available next Tuesday if you ask me on Sunday, but I’d work something out). I’m not dropping my plans for you when you haven’t had the courtesy to give me advance notice. 
From there I think it can get a little fuzzier – who drives, whether you meet there, etc. – but wow what I wouldn’t give for a man who knows what he wants and says it.
*My good friends may keep their mouth shut now.
**Email is acceptable if it’s your only way to contact her.
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2 Comments

  1. fabulous girl said,

    I hear you on the call don’t email, but what if the email is as well written as a formal invitation from yesteryear?

    Plus it doesn’t put me on the spot, gives me time to check my calendar, compose a reply …

  2. BS said,

    I’m not saying that the email doesn’t deserve a response (especially if it’s “as well written as a formal invitation from yesteryear”), but I would generally prefer a phone call.

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