Saturday: So nice he’s naughty?

March 9, 2009 at 4:54 pm (On dating and mating)

So naturally, once I decide that I’m willing to turn to online dating, I meet a boy in a bar. A boy who can dance. If I knew nothing else about him, that might have been enough to get me to take a second look. It began with jokes, as anyone who gets my attention always does. But I’m tentative to give him any kind of a real chance because he’s too sweet. Aren’t the nice ones dangerous?

He pulled me in close as we danced and I commented on the spicy smell. “You don’t like it?” he asked. Despite my explanation that it was an observation only, he said, “we’ll go shopping sometime and you can tell me what you like better.” A wink and a smile accompanied the statement to make it lighthearted, but I’m not sure I trust a guy who mentions anything beyond the next morning on the night we meet. He turned around to give me a hand coming down narrow stairs. He spent the rest of the time before last call with me and didn’t even look for his friends. He wasn’t hesitant when he leaned in to kiss me, but he also left it at just a single, chaste kiss. He took my number and asked me to call him there and then so he would have mine. He asked how to spell my name (believe it or not, this isn’t something they all do) and got my last name as well. He asked if he had to wait three days instead of talking to me the next morning.

We’d already parted ways when he saw me across the street with Roommate trying to flag down a taxi. He ran over to help and chat some more. He was affectionate (but not pushy) and wanted to make sure we got home safe. At no time did he ever try to come home with me or get me to come home with him.

We chatted via text yesterday (which, oddly, didn’t bother me a bit even though I generally prefer that new people call) and he has already asked when he will see me again. He texted me again before bed just to say goodnight.

The thing is, the jerks are easier to deal with. I know how to fend off the pushy guy who wants to come in for one more drink. I know how to deal with the guy who texts at 9pm on a Friday suggesting that I meet him and a buddy out at a bar. I know how to react to a guy who never mentions tomorrow and doesn’t make plans. I understand the guys who play games – or at least can play right back – so I’m extremely unsure of how to react to this one. I can’t help but think his blatant lack of games is, in fact, a game. Or am I being unfair? Am I damning them if they do AND if they don’t?

Did I mention he’s 25? The last guy I quasi-dated was 26 (thankfully, unlike the 26-year-old, this guy has been trying to convince me that he’s mature for his age. Mr. 26 just liked to call me old.). The Southerner is 26. Am I now officially a cougar? Or is this karmic retribution for saying “only 30+ from now on”?

It can’t be a coincidence that I dreamed last night I was running from a tornado.



  1. 3carnations said,

    Stop looking for something wrong and take a chance to find out if it’s right. 🙂

  2. Katie said,

    Here’s my advice: Go with it and let yourself enjoy it, but don’t daydream too much about it. Keep a safe distance in your mind until he proves that it’s not a game. Try not to overanalyze. I am the WORST at that!

  3. Bridget said,

    We all overanalyze and if you’re worried about his age, try dating someone 24 years older than yourself. They never change. 🙂

    Sounds like he’s promising. Relax (as much as you are able to) and have fun!

  4. BS said,

    Trust me, I’m not daydreaming…or, well, I am, but it’s about The Southerner. 🙂 I don’t think this is going to go anywhere serious, so you’re right, I’ll relax and enjoy the ride.

  5. fabulous girl said,

    Breathe in, breathe out. This happens, trust me.

    See you Thursday!

  6. xALM said,

    The guys who are good at picking up girls in bars are good for a reason. It’s the same reason anyone is good at anything: practice. Lots of practice.

    Which in itself isn’t bad. The question is whether he’s using his powers for good (dated lots of girls, now knows what he’s looking for, and he thinks he may have found it) or for evil (you know… the fun kind.)

    On another note – girls seem to make a big deal out of this ‘he didn’t even try to have sex with me’ thing. This is an indicator of nothing. I have 3 friends whose primary goal in life seems to be only to get laid (interrupted by brief periods relationships). They’re good at what they do. But not one of them will try to have sex with the girl the night they meet her. Not because they can’t (often they could), but because they don’t want to. Chances are he’s been drinking. Chances are she’s been drinking. Chances are it’s late. They’ve probably been dancing all night. By the time they get her back to an apartment and work their way into things (usually can’t just put it in as you walk through the door) they’re both going to be exhausted and the sex is going to be really, really bad. Or nonexistent… depends on how much he’s had to drink.

    Also, to quote one of them (whom you’ve met), “It lets you extend the chase a little bit… and she’s going to be way more open to stuff than she would have been on the night she met you.”

    As for whether this guy fits that mold, who knows? If you ignore every guy who ‘might’ turn out to be a jerk… well, then you’d have to ignore every guy. So I think you’ve got the right idea. Relax… enjoy the ride. You’re a good judge of character. Once you get to know him a little bit, I’m sure you’ll know what to make of him.

  7. BS said,

    Thanks all. How ’bout I wait until we’ve gone on an actual date to deliver a verdict and just relax about it all in the meantime? 🙂

    See you tonight FG!

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