On snooping

May 27, 2009 at 3:34 pm (in my head, plays well with others)

Before I get into what I really want to say, I have a confession to make:

I think I’m having a lesbian relationship with my new car. (Yes, it’s a she.)

I talk to it, as I do to all of my cars, but with her it has started to take on a different tone.

When I turn the key: “That’s it, purr for me baby.”

When I accelerate onto the freeway: “Oooh you like that don’t you. I can hear that you like it.”

When I pass boy cars: “You’re so much hotter than he is, baby. You’ve got sexy curves and a smoother ride.”

It’s getting a little out of hand.

Now back to our lofty topic.

I don’t snoop.

No, I mean it.

You know when you first spend the night at a new guy’s house and he leaves you alone to make breakfast/shower/walk the dog? You take the short stroll around his bedroom to get a better sense of who he is from the stuff he keeps and the things he owns. You open a drawer or lift a pile just to get a bit more info. You tell yourself that it’s just natural curiosity. And that he wouldn’t have made it so accessible if he really wanted it hidden. And even that he probably expected you to look.

Not me.

It’s not because I’m an angel and it’s only partially because I have a deep-seated respect for privacy. Mostly it’s because longlongagoinalandfarfaraway, I learned that if you snoop, you will find information you never wanted to know. And lessons learned when you’re ten stick. (I still don’t run with scissors or play with balls in the house.)

If you need someone to get into your email account to copy and paste without reading, I’m your girl. If you want someone to house-sit without rummaging through your things, call me. I won’t go anywhere near anything that looks like it shouldn’t be touched, even if it requires carrying the dog across the street instead of digging through a closet to look for a leash. If you say don’t, I won’t.

That being said, sometimes I pretend I’m a stranger and wander around my room snooping about in my own stuff. I try to think like a stranger would think, sniffing perfumes and opening medicine cabinets. This routine usually happens before a party or a date when people who haven’t already seen my construction paper heart with “My roommate is better in bed” written in marker will be coming over for the first time.

While this is far from the most embarrassing thing I could admit to doing, I wonder if it’s normal.



  1. M.J. said,

    I don’t snoop either…somethings are better left a mystery. And, besides, I don’t want to push my relationships. I want people to willingly open up to me.

    • bustysatan said,

      Exactly! It’s the willingly opening up thing.

  2. peterdewolf said,

    Yeah, I’m definitely not a snooper either.

    Party because I am insanely private, so I respect the privacy of others.

    And partly, like you, because I figured out that you just can’t unlearn some things.

  3. SoMi's Nilsa said,

    The one time I snooped was with a live-in boyfriend. I’m pretty sure it’s not snooping if it’s your own house, though it was his desk. I wasn’t intentionally snooping, but did come across a card. From a girl. Whose name I didn’t know. I asked him about it (curiously versus threatening). He got very defensive and said it was an ex. He had stayed in touch with her. Only I had never heard her name. I never fully trusted him after that. I didn’t snoop again, but we did break up a few months later. When I realized he had likely been cheating on me.

    • bustysatan said,

      I agree. It doesn’t count if it’s your house. Staying friends with your exes is great and there’s no need to be defensive about it unless something fishy is going on.

  4. Jess said,

    I don’t snoop either, but I never realized it until this post. It just hadn’t occurred to me.

    • bustysatan said,

      That’s because you’re open and trusting (two of my favorite qualities).

  5. Bridget said,

    I trust my gut that if there’s a reason I feel like snooping, I don’t trust the person completely.

    I need to learn how to be my own snoop. I am always leaving incriminating things where innocent eyes can see.

    • bustysatan said,

      Exactly, and if I’m inclined to snoop, I’ll just talk to the person instead.

  6. amber said,

    Must be a pretty hot car. 🙂

    And I think it’s adorable that you snoop in your own place, imagining what other people see.

    • bustysatan said,

      She’s hot. HOT.

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