Things I just don’t understand

June 23, 2009 at 3:25 pm (if I ruled the world, in my head)

1. Why my mother calls me at work in the middle of the day to chat. Work is for work. (And blogging.)

2. The Barre Method. Isn’t this just a ballet class with bad technique?

3. Guys who don’t like to play with a woman’s hair. Even I like to play with my hair.

4. Peeing in front of someone else. I don’t care how intimate you have or haven’t been, there’s just no need.

5. Childbirth being a “beautiful” experience. It looks messy and painful and exhausting. Nothing about that is beautiful, even though the child may be.

6. Wearing boots in the summer. Sticky leather against my calves when it’s warm out? No thank you.

7. Techno music. Or maybe that’s just something I don’t like. Sometimes I get a little off-track.

8. How I manage to put my underwear on inside out at least once a week.

9.Why I don’t fix the underwear when I notice it. I usually dissolve into a fit of giggles instead and, well…forget.

10. Being afraid of dogs. (On the other hand, I COMPLETELY understand being afraid of deer. Those buggers are mean.)

11. The allure of Paris “No Discernible Skills or Talents” Hilton. How can someone worth so much be completely worthless?

11. How I know or when I met at least three of my Facebook friends.

12. Why Firefly got canceled.

13. The infield fly rule. Kidding! I totally get it. *smiles nervously*

14. Bad kids born to great parents.

15. Choosing vanilla over any other flavor of ice cream.

16. The appeal of Arctic Monkeys. Or Grizzly Bear.

17. Cheerleading. You know a monkey could lead those cheers, right? Perhaps even an Arctic Monkey. Take a dance class and stop bouncing.

18. People who are anti-gay marriage, but claim not to be anti-gay.

19. Why my thumbs are so much shorter than my pinky fingers.

20. How we managed to develop three drugs for ED, but haven’t found a cure for cancer.

21. The art of Dale Chihuly.

22. California Chardonnay. Why would anyone want their wine to taste like butter?

23. The fascination with boobs. You can have mine. Well, most of them.

24. Wanting to live in Florida.

25. Waiting for a “good” parking space when there’s an open one farther away.

26. Holding hands like you’re playing Red Rover instead of interlacing fingers like a normal human being.

27. Why I have to use a space heater in my office when it’s 81 degrees outside.

28. How you just stop loving someone you’ve loved for 38 years.

29. Men who refuse to wear certain colors (like pink), but go around a basketball court slapping each other on the ass.

30. How a man who went to Phillips-Andover, Yale, and Harvard never learned to pronounce “nuclear”.

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11 Comments

  1. Katie said,

    #3: It’s better than a massage. And depending on the day (dare I say it…???) better than sex.

    #11: Can’t. stand. her. at. all.

    #15: …with a big scoop of orange sherbet.

    #28: Sad.

    • BS said,

      It IS better than a massage!

      If I could get past the smell of vanilla + orange, I might like the taste. Reminds me of a medicine that made me pukey as a kid.

  2. M said,

    Great list…I cracked up at #27, as I was currently warming my hands on my space heater (with a 90 degree day expected)

    • BS said,

      Warm warm.
      Type type.
      Warm warm.
      Type type.

      *sigh*

  3. SoMi's Nilsa said,

    This list is priceless. Absolutely love it.

    #6 and how stupid and ugly Uggs took off in LA – whaaaa?

    #11 (the second 11) Chalk it up to drunk blogging. Ha!

    #20 Because men are clearly the driving force behind drug R&D. Duh!

    • BS said,

      I’m not sure which you’re suggesting I can blame on drunk blogging, the mysterious Facebook friends or that second 11! (I vote both.)

  4. Peter DeWolf said,

    Yes… I can’t understand the fascination with boobs either.

    • BS said,

      If only that reverse psychology thing WORKED, Peter.

  5. Bridget said,

    For the record, I am drinking Washington Chardonnay tonight. There IS a difference. Or at least that’s what they say..

    • BS said,

      They are different, it’s true. And there are actually some nice California Chards, but I still associate the idea with oak and butter and spitting it back out into the bucket.

  6. amber said,

    I KNOW! I agree with most of what you’re stumped by. I hate when my family/friends call me at work (except, obv., for emergencies), and techno and leather boots in the summer?! Yuck. And cheerleading! Isn’t that what the CROWD is for? Sheesh.

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