The non-piggy flu

November 6, 2009 at 1:08 am (past, plays well with others)

Oooh, hi! Yoohoo! Yes, you! Remember me? I’ve been absent and I know you all assumed the hot neighbor whisked me off to Paris for a steamy weekend twisted up in extremely high thread count sheets, but alas, I’ve just been sick. Really sick. Feeling-like-death sick.

(And besides, the neighbor grew a goatee – making him un-hot – so I’ve resorted to staring at his ass.)

I was so sick that I actually had to talk myself into wearing a bra when I went to Walgreens for tissues and a thermometer. Full-on conversation arguing both sides. Out loud.

(I won.)

But while you all were doing exciting stuff like working and, well, getting out of bed, I was busy learning things. That’s right, LEARNING.

For instance, I learned that you can go a full day watching only Law and Order or CSI and their various spin-offs. And that there’s a whole show on Bravo devoted to a woman with an indefinable accent who takes over hair salons and makes them better. And that there are times when you might consider asking an ex-boyfriend to come over to hold you up in the shower. I said consider people. Sheesh.

Now on to other things.

So yes, there was Halloween. And we looked hot. Lots of men driving by while we waited two hours for a cab told us so. And they were obviously classy guys what with the yelling and the whistling. I can’t entirely blame them, I mean, I WAS wearing red lipstick. And, um, fishnets.



Someone in the course of the evening told me that your costume only works if people can get it without an explanation. If that’s true, then mine was a big fat fail, but here, I’ll try to help you out. Those light panels on my skirt are newspaper collages. Here’s one up close.


And those yellow strips on my wrists are actually fake wrist slits. And then on my head (not pictured) there was a fedora. Man how I love a fedora. Still not getting it? I’m not surprised. Don’t bother guessing, I’ll just tell you. I went as The Death of Print Media. It worked in my head, I swear. And did I mention that I got to wear a fedora?

Besides the whole sick thing, my post-Halloween week included a showing of Where the Wild Things Are (in true Dave Eggers fashion, it made me want to cry and then bite someone), some fun times chatting with a cab driver after I locked myself out of my apartment and had to cross the city (twice) to pick up spare keys from my property manager, and two mornings that began with my car going “clickclickclick” but not starting when I turned the key. Fun times, people, fun times.

I combated all this poo with the purchase of the new Michael Bublé CD. And I’m not even embarrassed. I blame the fedora.



  1. Mara J. said,

    Very creative! I only do homemade costumes….I hate those out-of-the-box slutty school girls, slutty nurse, slutty slutty french maid, slutty, slut-slut costumes.

    • BS said,

      Me too, with the exception of the slutty Snow White, which I will probably buy next year. 🙂

  2. SoMi's Nilsa said,

    You discovered Tabitha. I don’t normally watch her show, but I did watch the reality show where she competed against other hair stylists (I think it was called Sheer Genius).

    There’s a joke among the acting types that if you haven’t starred in a Law & Order episode, then you’re not really an actor. Whenever Sweets and I go to the theater, I always scour the actor bios … I’d say easily 75% or more always have Law & Order byline in theirs. It’s pretty funny.

    • BS said,

      And now I’m going to check the bios for L&O listings too!

  3. WendyB said,

    I love any outfit that includes the Wall Street Journal.

    • BS said,

      You also would have loved the true rich red lipstick (I’m kind of in love myself). It was M.A.C. Ladybug.

  4. Jess said,

    Sorry you’re sick. Feel better soon!

  5. Katie said,

    I have it now. It SUCKS. Instead of having someone hold me up in the shower, I just don’t take showers. Problem solved.

    • BS said,

      I HAD to on Tuesday, but managed on my own.

  6. Bridget said,

    At least you didn’t spend an entire afternoon ranting and raving about short men.

    I hope you’re feeling 150% soon so you may go find someone to hold you up in the shower who isn’t dangerous or an ex. 😉

    • BS said,

      I went out last night and while I didn’t find someone to hold me up in the shower, I did find someone to hold me up in the pushing, shoving crowd. Never spoke to him, but may have held onto his bicep a little longer than was actually necessary to regain my balance.

      (It was a nice bicep.)

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