June 18, 2010 at 12:05 pm (future, in my head, It's all about me, On dating and mating)

I’m getting cold feet.

Before you all start buying me wedding presents or worry that my absence has been due to some wild elopement, know that I’m not talking about marriage. I’m getting cold feet about leaving the City. Not the Bay Area (because really, I love this place more than Jesse James loves inked-up strippers), but San Francisco. The move is not imminent…or even planned, but it’s coming. I can feel it.

I’m starting to settle in to things like dishwashers and garbage disposals and yards and laundry. I’m deeply in love with coming home to meat and vegetables already on the grill. The dog-wanting is pathological. The Man has me sort of sold on Marin.

But I’m not quite ready yet. And so, I’ve begun to look at all things urban the way you look at a brownie sundae the day before starting a diet. WANT. And want now. And want more of it than I should have.

I cleaned my entire apartment last night (in preparation for a visit from Mom today) and loved every sound coming from the noisy street below. I put a youparklikeanasshole.com sign on an oversized SUV this morning and enjoyed a full 5 minutes of a cheeky, self-satisfied smile. I’d like to try a new restaurant every night, have cocktails while wearing impossibly high heels*, and sit in coffee shops writing stories in my head about other patrons. It’s like one last fling. Even if it may last a couple of years.

And that might be one of the reasons I am deeply, deeply in love with the condo The Man owns, but where he does not live. I can’t afford the rent (let alone the mortgage), but it could not be more perfect for me if I’d picked it out myself. It’s all exposed concrete beams and wall of industrial windows. All galley kitchen (with brand new stainless steel appliances) and open floor plan. All cool colors and warm wood. All walking distance to one of our favorite bars and one of my favorite coffee spots. It is the kind of place I never thought I’d be able to live in. It’s a dream, truly, I’ve never felt I could voice. It is just the kind of urban chic spot I want for my next three years. It’s somewhere I could imagine my last fling with the city, last memories of unmarried, untethered life before settling into porches and wine and slow-dancing in the kitchen. It is that impossibly hot bartender pouring tequila shots at my bachelorette party. Except that having my way with it wouldn’t ruin my relationship…which makes it that much more dangerous and enticing.

How does your current living situation fit into where you are in life? And has anyone else fallen in love with a space in this way?

*Bloomingdale’s sale + my own personal ’70s moment = I can be six feet tall if I want to.

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10 Comments

  1. Windsor Grace said,

    I absolutely love my neighborhood and my house and almost moved in with my bf a few months ago. Then, at the last minute, I couldn’t do it. The thing is I really need is a bigger space, but I don’t want to leave my house and my fun neighbors.

    • BS said,

      Neighborhood matters so much! And it’s hard to move into someone else’s space, no matter whose.

  2. Jess said,

    I think cold feet is step one of the transition process. You see that it’s coming but you aren’t ready for it, and cold feet plus a last hurrah is your first method of dealing with it. So by the time the moment actually arrives, you will be ready. Mostly.

    We love Denver. It’s perfect for us. We were restless for a long time before we moved here. We had hot feet, you could say–ready to run from DC. Now we’re exactly where we want to be.

    • BS said,

      I was certainly ready to run for California when I lived in Boston, so I understand that all too well.

  3. Bridget said,

    Is it okay if I do a happy dance because you are so happy? Okay, good!

    My space says there is room for more than one person and that person will be a boyfriend, not a roommate. However, given the fact that I have yet to empty out the spare bedrooms says I’m not ready. I actually feel a little out of place as my neighborhood consists of young families but the yard keeps the dog happy. That’s all that matters, right?

    And thanks for introducing me to youparklikeanasshole.com. I plan on using it!

    • BS said,

      I kind of love youparklikeanasshole.com. It speaks to my passive aggressiveness.

      And thank you for the happy dance!

  4. amber said,

    I’m so glad you’re back! I’ve missed you. 🙂

    Honestly, the only location I’ve ever been desperately attached to is the coast. The ocean. As for individual homes or apartments, they’re just space to me. Space I’m grateful for, but space just the same. I hope to someday live in Seaside, OR, though.

    • BS said,

      Oh! it’s so nice to be missed, thanks!

      You keep mentioning Seaside…so much so that I think I now want to live there! 😉

  5. Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said,

    You know, actively thinking about this move and experiencing cold feet is much better than the alternative – moving without thought and regretting it when you do it too soon.

    Our condo fits into our life perfectly right now and likely for another few years. But, a move for us is also imminent … thankfully, we don’t need to move just yet.

    • BS said,

      Sometimes to my detriment, I never do much of anything without thought!

      You seem like you’re still enjoying making that condo perfect for you and I enjoy hearing about it!

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